Date: Fri Feb 4, 2000 3:34:18 PM US/Eastern
To: "Wes Smith" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I got a somewhat clearer idea from Brittany this morning about what you need to hear from me. So before I address the issues in your letter, I would like to say that I'm sorry I hit you (and engaged in various other bodily harm) last Sunday. It was inexcusable and I am embarrassed and sorry that it happened.
No, I have not stuck with my plan to talk to Brittany regularly. To try to help with this, I have written on the calendar to call Brittany on Wednesday mornings.
No, I have not managed to consistently not follow you when you're upset, although I do feel I've made some progress. I've made up some more signs that say "Don't Follow!" to put up around the house.
No, I have never tried defining a way of getting to the heart of a disagreement. I don't really feel like I'm ready for that, at least not yet. I'm more concentrating right now on just avoiding the huge flare-ups and taking the time to cool down before any discussion takes place.
Yes, I have tried telling you directly when things bother me sometimes, sometimes I don't. Once in a while the direct method has worked out, often it doesn't. Not sure what to do here.
Yes and No - I have tried writing down things that bother me, but have never brought them up again.
I'm not all that happy about the resolution, either. I think at this point I would like to concentrate on trying to do the first two. Losing control seems to be especially damaging to our relationship,
and so concentrating on getting rid of that seems like the most important thing right now.
I think we can both agree that I'm sensitive to criticism.
We seem to be quite a ways apart on how we view your level of sensitivity.
Yes, I have considered that it will be difficult make and keep friends on such a tight schedule. On the other hand, I seem to remember that we acknowledged at some point that I should get some personal free time also, and that's where I'd try to squeeze it in.
I'm glad that you're willing to still try.
> I had been hopping for more acknowledgement of how
> extreme you[r] behavior has
> been and also acknowledgement that it is a
> behavior problem that you have
> that is not caused by me (triggered yes, caused no).
> I feel a good first
> step in addressing the problem is for you to admit
> you have a problem.
I do have a problem.
There are actually several different aspects to it that you bring up in your letter. There's the question of what specifically triggers the reaction, there's the question of why I indulge my anger in that particular way.
I do have hang-ups. Some of the ones you mention in your letter I agree with, some I believe you're only partly right.
The whole money thing is very loaded. I did make a lot of mistakes with the money, and you had every right to take it over. But there is a lot more to it that that. I talked some of it over with Brittany this morning, so I don't think it's necessary for us to try to wade through all of it. However, I'm curious how specifically you think I messed up? I'm thinking along the lines of bouncing checks and making payments late, but I get the feeling that your condemnation is wider ranging than that?
Yes, I thought you did handle it quite well after I hit you. I was thankful for that.
I'm sorry I didn't apologize to you better after that.
I hope this helps you feel better -